Gotta Be Me!

There is an old story about an old man and his son taking a mule into the market to be sold.  At first the son sits on the animal and the father walks beside him, but when they hear some ladies talking about how selfish it was for the son to make his elderly father walk, they decide to switch places.  However, it wasn’t long after that that they hear a group of men saying that the father shouldn’t be riding as the son walks.  They then decide that they will both ride.  Unfortunately, the combined weight proves to be too much and as they cross a bridge, all three of them topple into the water.  The father decides that you can’t please everyone, you can just please yourself.

I think too often we bend over backwards trying to live up to other people’s expectations.  We try to conform to whatever “they” say we need to do, or think, or behave.  I can’t help wondering, who made “them” such an expert anyway?

Sometimes at the shop I’ll have customers ask me about the “right” way of doing something: the right way to sew, the right way to quilt, the right way to bind, etc.  Usually questions like this come from someone who is just learning to quilt.  The more you quilt, the more you realize it isn’t a question of the right way or the wrong way.  There are many ways to sew, quilt, or bind a quilt.  The question is, what way works best for you, or sometimes, what works best for this particular project.

My sister, who plays the trumpet, heard once in a lecture that too often musicians will try to play like Louis Armstrong or Miles Davis.  But the world already has a Louis Armstrong and a Miles Davis.  We don’t need any more.  What we need is for musicians to play like themselves.   They have a quality and a talent that only they have.  If they try to play like someone else, they will deny to the world forever of they own style, because no one else can play like they can.

In the same sense, I cannot waste my time trying to be like someone else, even if “they” say that I should.  I have to be me, because if I don’t do it, no one else will, and I will deny forever the world of what I and I alone can bring to it.

My Own Worst Enemy

Have you ever seen something like this happen?  One person presents something they made or did.  It could be anything, a painting, a story, a quilt, something they are quite obviously proud of or they wouldn’t be showing it off.  Yet when others compliment it, this person proceeds to point out every flaw, every mistake, and everything they felt they could have done better.

I haven’t just seen this happen, I have done it myself.  I don’t know what it is, maybe it is an attempt to be honest or humble, but more likely, we are just being overly critical about our own work.  Why do we do that?

I can understand why we would see the flaws in our own work.  When we make/paint/sew something we know all the ins and outs of that project. We see everything.  At least we see everything that is wrong.  When others see our projects, they see something beautiful that someone made.  Why don’t we see all the things that worked, all the beauty, all the skill?  But it isn’t even enough that we see the flaws, we feel the need to point them out to everyone else.

I will admit that seeing the flaws has its place in developing any craft.  Only after we can see what is wrong can we learn to do it right.  Yet if the roles were reversed, if the person seeing the project were the one to point out the flaws, we would find it quite rude.  So why are we kinder to others then we are to ourselves?

According to C. S. Lewis, the aim of true humility is not to put down or own talents.  Rather, it is, “. . . to be so free from any bias in [our] own favor that [we] can rejoice in [our] own talents as frankly and gratefully as in [our] neighbor’s talents. . . .” Wouldn’t it be great if we could look at our own work with the same eye that we look at others’.  Though I know that it is easier said than done, I think it is necessary to develop this perspective.  As important as it is to see our flaws, I think it is just as important when developing a craft to see the things that are done well

It is easy to get discouraged when all you see is the negative.  As the song goes, “You’ve got to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.”  It’s hard to do this if all you can see is the negative.  This I think is the key to learning anything in life.  As you continue to do this, you continually move toward perfection.  It doesn’t matter if you paint, sew, write, or just live, isn’t perfection the goal?

One more try

I found this written in my planner from my senior year of high school:

I'll never be a movie star
I'll never be the queen,
I'm not sure where I'm going,
I'm just following my dream.
The road that I travel
Is filled with ups and downs.
But as I walk I wonder,
When will it turn around

Just give me one more try and I'll know.
Though I may never reach my dream.
Who can ever say how far I'll go.
I'll you'll just give me one more try and I'll know.

I won't give up and I won't give in
I'm not beaten yet.
If my life is filled with failure
It's still better then regret.
Some may thing I'm crazy
And some may wonder why
Yet as I stumble and as I fall
I know I'm bound to fly.

Just give me one more try and I'll know.
Though I may never reach my dream.
Who can ever say how far I'll go.
I'll you'll just give me one more try and I'll know.

Resolutions

Another year has passed by and, like so many other people do at this time of year, I start thinking about making resolutions.  I usually make many resolutions each year.  Some of them are quite practical and reasonable.  Some are impossible.  And some are just silly.  I have this tendency to make goals about things that don’t really matter or even about things that I do just for fun.  For example, I’ll say something like, “I have to finish watching this TV series by the end of the year” or “I have to work on this puzzle before I can do anything else” or even “I have to play for 30 minutes three times a week on my Wii.”  These are all things that I do for fun, but I can’t help turning them into chores.  I’ll tell you, nothing sucks the fun out of something faster than turning it into a chore.  

It’s important to have goals.  Goals keep us going and keep us motivated.  I know when it comes to sewing that I am more likely to get the project finished when there is a deadline.  The same thing is true with my writing.  If I need something done by a specific time, then I get it done, but there are many stories and sewing projects that are still left unfinished and have been for years.

But aren’t we much more likely to do something, to work on something, and to finish something when we enjoy doing it?  And it is much easier to enjoy something when we don’t have to do it. When I was a kid, I wouldn’t clean my own room but I had no problem with helping my friends clean theirs.  When our recreations become obligations, they no longer feel like fun, they feel like work.  We can’t let our own eagerness to finish something distract us from why we are doing it, for fun.  That’s why I write, that’s why I sew, that’s why I watch TV, put together puzzles, and play Wii.  It’s for the fun of it.

Perhaps instead of turning our recreational activities into chores, this year we should try to turn our chores into recreation.  I heard once that one way to reduce stress in your life is to turn “I have to do. . .” into “I chose to do. . . .”  The truth is no one can force us to do anything.  Everything we do, we do of our own will and choice.  Looking at it that way, we can change our attitudes about what we do.  That’s why my resolution this year is to stop making goals, at least stop making arbitrary goals.  I want to learn to enjoy the things I do, even cleaning my room, and especially enjoy the things that I want to do.

Dear Santa,

As you know, I already have more fabric and projects than I have room for.  So the first thing I want for Christmas is more storage space for all of my sewing stuff.  Ideally, I would like my own sewing room with drawers for all of my notions, shelves to organize my fabric by color, style, and or project, and a peg board for my rulers, rotary cutter, and scissors.  A large cutting table would also be nice, and possibly a design wall.  I would also like more time to sew, so I can fully enjoy this dream sewing room.

 

If this is too much, then I would like my own long arm machine so I can finish my own quilts.  Of course, with this I would also need thread, fabric, and batting so I can practice using it.  I would also need more time to learn how to use it and more time to work on my projects.

If this is too much, then I would just like more fabric and project ideas to go with it.  I know, I already have plenty to work on, but you can never have too many ideas, right?  With this, I will also need more time to work on these projects.

Most of all, I would like to be able to get all of my projects done before Christmas so I can have time to spend with my friends and family.  That way, I can focus on what really matters.

So, basically, what I want for Christmas is more Time.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Your Favorite Quilter

And to All a Good Feast

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  Anymore it looks like Christmas long before Thanksgiving or even Halloween.  My roommate recently expressed her frustration with this phenomenon.  She feels it is important to be thankful, especially when you consider all that our fore fathers went through to get us here. Yet there are no Thanksgiving carols, very few Thanksgiving specials, and it’s almost impossible to find a Thanksgiving movie.  Even the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ends with Santa riding in signaling the start of Christmas shopping. Thanksgiving has become little more than a day we stuff ourselves and prepare for the craziness of Christmas shopping.  It is a sad statement on our society when we gloss over the holiday about being grateful for what we have and skip right to the holiday where we get more stuff.

I wish I could say that things were different in the quilting world, but in our shop we are already decorated for Christmas.  Dozens of Christmas lines come out every year and very few thanksgiving prints.  Thanksgiving patterns are hard to find yet Christmas patterns are plentiful. Of course a quilter’s view of Christmas is a little different than most.  A quilter’ main concern is, “What can I make so-and-so for Christmas?” or “How can I get all of these projects done before Christmas?”  When you hand sew all of your gifts, it makes sense to start a month or two early.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas.  I love making things for my family and friends that show them just how much I care for them and how thankful I am for them, but we can’t let our enthusiasm for Christmas cause us to forget to take this opportunity to stop and think about all our blessings.  We spend so much time contemplating the true meaning of Christmas, perhaps we could also take a little time to contemplate the true meaning of Thanksgiving as well.  What better way to start our holiday season.  To quote Sheryl Crow, “it’s not having what you want.  It’s wanting what you’ve got.” Perhaps this year before we get what we want for Christmas, we can be grateful for what we have this Thanksgiving.